In a stunning upset, the International Astronomical Union voted to strip Pluto of planet status, citing diminuitive stature, the discovery of larger outlying objects, and erratic behavior in its decision. The nation's astronomy textbook industry is currently scrambling to adjust to the unexpected demotion, which leaves the soloar system with only eight official planets. In addition, the National Institute for Mnemonic Devices is scrambling to replace its suddenly unintelligible "My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nine." In a prepared statement, an NIMD spokesperson stressed that "without the 'Pizza' -- or the less-popular 'Planet' -- at the end of this time-honored mnemonic classic, America's children are left with no clear way of easily memorizing the planets or their relative proximity to the sun."
Upon hearing of the IAU decision, a distraught Pluto embarked upon what one witness called a "violent rampage," which came to a tragic end when the newly reclassified "dwarf planet" devoured a small bald child. A bystander managed to capture a photograph of the savage attack:
Early reports indicate that Pluto and a small group of other planetoids and minor celestial bodies, including UB313 (aka "Xena") and the asteroid Ceres, had been drinking heavily in anticipation of Thursday's IAU vote. The drinking binge, which had been characterized by behavior that witnesses referred to as increasingly "boisterous and abusive," apparently escalated out of control when a television above the Epcot Center's Around the World Bar and Grille carried news of the IAU decision.
Although Pluto was apprehended at the scene, official charges have yet to be filed. Representatives for both Pluto and the IAU were unavailable for comment.
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